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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Villain Songs

I could be a dick and link you to TV Tropes, therefore causing you to spend the rest of your day on the site. I'll spare you the pain and assume you know what I'm talking about when I say The Villain Song.

The villain is always the coolest character.

There is no doubt about it.

They've got the evil laugh (gotta work on the *ahem* aughhhhhh)

They've got the sweet cape (let's try and forget about The Incredibles)

But most importantly, they've got that one show-stopping number filled with megalomaniacal (or sometimes just plain maniacal) euphoria, regardless of genre. And the villain never really sings about anything. Sure, they might mention bringing the hero down or ruling the world as villains ordinarily do, but for the most part it's sung just to say, yeah, I'm evil and yeah, I'm better than the hero. I'd much rather hear a villain sing about how awesome they are than about the main character's true love or some dead family member. Because face it, which one is cooler?

So I decided I'd post links to all the villain songs I absolutely love.

Oh yeah, by the way, The Nostalgia Critic did something similar and you should totally watch that one too. There might be a few overlaps, by the way, but who says everyone can't like the same songs? :B

Everyone's a Hero (Captain Hammer) - Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

First off is a song from one of my favorite Web Originals, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. It could be easily argued that about a third of the songs in that movie are villain songs, since it is about a "villain," but it also strangely subverts the entire song trope by making the "hero" figure sing it. Just watch it yourself and you'll understand:



He has the whole city under his control. And he's loving it. Being an idiotic jackass to a bunch of homeless folks and admiring fans all the while rubbing in their faces that they just buy it all. Suddenly a Freeze Ray doesn't seem that horrible (that's two r's, h-o-r-r...).

The Hounds (Dr. Wily) - The Protomen

Okay. Okay. Sorry that I'm putting something remotely Mega Man related in here. But I assure you, The Protomen have strayed as far as they can from the main story making something totally new, a rock opera of epic proportions. The song doesn't really have visuals unless you count the stage directions, but the lyrics speak for themselves.




In case it's hard to understand out of context, here's the basic story: Dr. Wily has framed Dr. Light for the murder of Light's love, Emily. In order to kill her, Wily created a robot. When she's discovered dead, Wily first blames the murder on light ("what kind of man builds a machine to kill a girl...") and of course, the city is eating it up ("what was her name?" "doesn't matter... now listen!"). And then for the rest of the song he gloats. To the man whose wife was just killed. Just because Wily is that evil. Strangely, it's The Protomen's most upbeat, fast-paced, triumphant song, possibly tied with "Light up the Night." But can you blame them?

Thankless Job (The Repo Man) - Repo! The Genetic Opera


A big lipped alligator moment? Maybe. Maybe not. It's sorta hard to tell when the movie can't decide whether to be serious, campy, funny, or an homage to old horror flicks, but either way this song is just seeping with villainy pride. And it's disgusting.


There's no footage of the actual scene on YouTube... and maybe that's just as well. It's spoilery if you haven't seen the movie but what's going on is the Repo Man sings about how he relishes his job - literally repossessing body parts by murdering and/or vivisecting the victim. And he uses his current victim, one who owes intestine, as a puppet. Who he makes sing along with him. If he's not a villain I don't know who is.

(Honorable mention goes to "Gold" from Rotti Largo because of how different and emotionally charged it is, but only one Repo! song is gonna be listed here. Either way I recommend this movie just for the silliness of it all.)

Sweet Transvestite (Dr. Frank-N-Furter) - The Rocky Horror Picture Show

How could I not list this here? There's some argument all over as to whether it's a "villain song." He's not really singing about being villainous. He's singing about... well, about being a sweet transvestite. Either way, Tim Curry plays the role way to well to ignore.



A Little Priest (Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett) - Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Villain song at its finest. Two fellow dabblers in evil singing - right after Sweeney's "epiphany" that in all of the whole human race, Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two - about killing people and baking them into pies. Not outright saying it, mind you. They understand each other all the way.


Makes you wonder what the people you know would taste like.

...No? It doesn't? That's just weird? Forget I mentioned it then.

(Honorable mention goes to "Pretty Women" from the same movie but I think the Nostalgia Critic sums that one up quite nicely and I'd rather put one of my other favorite songs from this film on my list)

Beelzeboss (Satan) - Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny

The devil fucking rocks.

Try and make sense out of this movie other than it was a contest to see who could write a more vulgar song. It's ridiculous, often hilarious in all its sophomoric antics, but never really goes anywhere. And then in the penultimate scene, the big bad who literally just appeared has his moment in the limelight.


The devil's "villain song" is only one segment - in the middle - but it's well-worth watching the whole thing. Singing about how a.) you love metal, the music most often tagged as evil and b.) sexually enslaving Kyle Gass? (ewwwww...). Evil. In so many ways.

Oogie Boogie's Song (Oogie Boogie) - The Nightmare Before Christmas
 

I'm not too fond of this villain. He kinda just pops up around the end when there was already some genuine conflict going on, but you can't deny the catchiness of the song. Not to mention he's bragging about his evilness to Santa Claus. That's just a new breed of nightmare.

Of course, "Kidnap the Sandy Claus" would be a good selection too but I don't really feel like it's a villain song so much as a song sung by villains. Honorable mention though, definitely.

PRETTY MUCH ANY DISNEY MOVIE WITH A VILLAIN

Seriously. If there's anything Disney can do better than be scathingly critiqued by Cracked.com, it's make a kickass villain song. I could go on for hours listing my favorites, so I'll just go with the one I find the most powerful.


I'm not too fond of The Little Mermaid (weirdly enough considering my marine life obsession) but Ursula is really an outstanding villain figure. A true mix of both cruel and vicious yet sympathetic and misunderstood. I have trouble buying villains who are evil well, just because, but also think they need a bit of true cruelty and psychopathy. Both of which Ursula have, illustrated perfectly in this song which fluctuates between calm and reassuring to totally angry at the world and ready to slap silly little Ariel in the face.

Props go to Scar's "Be Prepared", Gaston's "Gaston" (how fucking conceited) and Frollo's "Hellfire". I just wish Hades had a song.

And that basically wraps it up. I could mention some without lyrics (Darth Vader's theme which is basically what I assume pure evil sounds like) or the Fairy Godmother's rendition of "Holding Out For a Hero" from Shrek 2 but it's hardly a villain song. The little-known musical "Starmites" has a great villain song sung by Shak Graa but I can't seem to remember the title or find a link, and the last time I saw that show was mid-January.

And there are so many others. Because face it. The world has a lot of villains, but we can never get enough.

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